Some days (not the nauseous, exhausted ones) I still feel like pinching myself and thanking the stars I get to do this again. While both girls brought such joy and big changes to our lives, there’s something about this baby’s ‘change’ that seems extra special. Having had more years in between, I have both longed for another babe and, in contrast, been quite okay with where our little family was at. In fact, upon finding out I was pregnant this time, I was kind of over the idea of having more. Of course if you ask me any given day I would probably tell you I’d have “all the babies!” Yet that month, life was good. The age and stage the girls were at, my career, our family life, everything seemed as it should be... and I think that’s why this baby feels extra special. I true sign of change because we’re meant for a change, a different path, for more adventure! And so, I gladly accepted with peace and excitement, trusting that this baby is truly a gift.
I’m not sure the “surprise” was as peaceful for Matthew but exciting none the less.
It had crossed my mind I could be pregnant when my period was late in September. Yet, part of me was convinced there’s no way. There have been times where I took a pregnancy test (after the girls, not trying for a baby) erring on the side of caution and was secretly disappointed seeing negative. This time, I was more concerned if I’d get to drink wine on my upcoming sisters trip... I waited until I was at least a week late, the day before my trip arrived and I couldn’t put taking a test off any longer. Matthew knew nothing, as I didn’t want to even plant a seed of worry in his head until the stick had been peed on!
So I woke up super early the day of my trip to pack and take the test. I took 2. One +/- and one digital. The + was dark and the screen read ‘Pregnant 3+ weeks.’ There was no denying it and there was only a few hours until my departure. Matthew had already seen part of his gift when he got home from work that week. We had cleaned and organized the garage and hung some beer posters and Habs jerseys. He loved it! That morning I set up the rest of his gift in the garage for a surprise. I got him a new Canadiens jersey for his upcoming trip, set up a beer can “cake” and put out his cards. One card read Happy Birthday Daddy... and under the card I hid the pregnancy test.
We only had about 15 minutes before it was time to head to the airport. After bringing out my suitcase, Matthew opened his gifts. He loved it, again! And then, shaking with adrenaline and uncertainty (by the way, this has happened every time I have had to tell him about all three of our surprise pregnancies) I asked him to read the card. He picked it up, saw the test, and a happy shock came over his face exclaiming “no way?!”
Yes way! The inside read “... of 3!”
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Reality check followed when I reminded him it was time to go to the airport and he couldn’t crack that beer cake. He’d have 5 whole days alone with the girls to let it all sink in.
“Never a dull moment around here!” was his response and boy is it true.
I felt relieved and happy and all kinds of intense emotions! We spent the half hour drive to the airport discussing all things baby #3 and how life would change.
I felt great about it all.
I had let my sister know that morning, before Matthew even, because we had been texting about the trip. Over the next week we told close family and friends.
My trip was fantastic and I returned on a high from all the positivity in my life.
Then, the hardest first trimester I’ve had yet followed. Honestly it seems too far gone (and unenjoyable) to relive in great detail. You’ll get the picture by me saying I was extremely exhausted, so nauseous, with completely changed taste buds, moody and overall not feeling at all like myself. I went from a very high of health and happiness to an extreme low. Much more intense than my other pregnancies. It’s hard to say if it was being under different circumstances this time around or simply just different?
Either way, I was beyond grateful when I finally started feeling better around the start of December. The nausea faded, I gained some energy and was even able to workout again. This had been a huge challenge to me. I had gone from a consistent routine of making fitness and self care a priority to doing zero for 2 months. I realized how much mental and emotional strength physical exercise gives me and I missed it during that time off. I made sleep a priority though. Well, more like a non negotiable because I would literally crash as soon as possible each night... evening ;P
Anywho, it feels much better to be back on track and feel more like me most days. Although, I’ll tell ya, some days those hormones can really throw you for a loop! It’s like my brain acknowledges these emotions are not like me or what I want and I just can’t help feeling them...
Through it all I’ve been giving myself grace and always coming back to gratitude. Thanking God for this blessing and trusting that pregnancy is simply a season.
At the start of January we had my “halfway” detailed ultrasound. I actually skipped first trimester ultrasounds because I’ve never had one in the past. I have a fairly regular cycle, that I track, so we used that to determine a due date. However, I’m kind of wishing we had opted for the early screening just to be sure. At this point, dating is not as accurate, and it appears we are either growing a giant baby or I’m around 2 weeks ahead of my date. That puts me over the halfway hump somewhere around 22-23 weeks as I’m writing this. That means baby is likely due mid May. I have an appointment at the maternity clinic at the end of the month and we will probably confirm if my due date will change. I’m totally okay with less of a countdown ;)
I’ve had it in my head baby will be born slightly earlier anyway since both the girls were. Plus I felt movement early on and was convinced the baby was bigger than he/she should be.
Which brings me to other exciting news! We opted not to find out the sex during this screening and are keeping gender a surprise this time! I’m so happy to have convinced Matthew this go around ;) We found out for both girls and looking back it was great to know. Not knowing this time adds to this baby being special! It seems like there’s so much riding on this - it’s either another girl or third time’s the charm and it’s a boy! I think a surprise will make delivery beyond amazing. *sigh*
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I’m going to leave this post on that note and hope to post more fun bump check ins and photos in weeks to come! Thanks as always for reading and following along the adventures of our growing family. It’s crazy to think sharing my pregnancy with Halle 5 years ago is how blogging got started for me :)
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