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Life Lately: A New Chapter

3/24/2018

It seems like the pages have turned to a new chapter over the past week or so!

I finished up work, celebrated my birthday and the season changed to spring.

I'm so glad I went with my gut and followed that voice telling me to end work mid month and (two months before baby at that.) For those of you that don't know, I run a dayhome (a daycare in my home.) That in itself has been such a blessing and valuable chapter in my life. It marks my return to work after kids and starting what I thought was my dream job. It brought great moments and unexpected challenges, most of which came about during pregnancy. One day, I'll write about it in detail, but for now I'll say I knew it was time for that chapter to close, despite it being much shorter than I ever imagined...

With my birthday days away, it felt like the perfect time for a new beginning. We kicked things off with a weekend getaway! Which was actually a boys trip for Matthew's hockey tournament but we tagged along in celebration of my fresh start. It was our first time in Invermere, BC and it was beautiful! We would love to go back in the summer and experience camping season there on the lake between the mountains!

It was a cute little town and welcomed us warmly for the tournament. The boys had a blast on their team Could Be Worse and considering they came from all over, and hadn't played together, they made out not too shabby with a third place finish! A sun shining Saturday and St. Patrick's Day green beers made it all the better for them ;)

Meanwhile the girls and I soaked up our "adventure" watching games, exploring parks + views and treating ourselves to yummy eats ;) There was a little bakery right around the corner from the rink which made the perfect pit stop for some birthday doughnuts.

Although most of the weekend was busy with hockey (and hangovers,) Matthew was more than ready for a soak in the hot springs on Sunday when the games had wrapped. Just north of the town was Radium Hot Springs. The girls loved swimming in the snowfall in the naturally heated outdoor pool! It was a lovely way to end our trip.

My birthday was spent driving back to the city and relaxing. Matthew cooked me a delicious BBQ supper and surprised us with cheesecake for dessert. I returned to some lovely happy mail waiting to be opened, too. Everything seemed like a perfectly aligned gift to new beginnings - from inspiring reads to baby clothes! It left my heart feeling grateful.

The next day Spring began. It might not look like it in Calgary but it felt like a much needed "shift." I really felt like this marked the blossoming of a fresh start for me. While in Invermere, there was a powerful New Moon. If you've been reading the blog or following my Insta posts, you may have seen that I've embraced sharing my interest in the moon and astrology. I've made journaling new moon intentions a regular thing. So while I was away, even though I didn't pack my journal, I took time to write down my visions for the next six months or so. I couldn't help seeing the choice to end work when I did and it's link to the timing of the moon (and my birthday and the season.) It was like it affirmed the new path I was on.

Cluing up another year and closing my dayhome seemed like a proper ending to let go of the past and embrace the new. There's so much I have been dreaming of and planning to share and now I can move forward with that! My next Vlog is coming soon ;)

In the meantime, I'm in full on spring declutter and organize craze doubled with nesting mode. I'm ready to get things together and ready so I can enjoy the rest of the time relaxing and soaking up moments with my girls. I'm hoping Spring will have truly arrived by then and we can spend more time outdoors... I'm already loving the longer daylight, boy does it make a difference for me!

I feel 'lighter' being done work and looking forward to what's to come but I've also been hit with that third trimester exhaustion lately... It's hard when I want to "do all the things" but find myself needing to slow down. After our weekend away and many indulgences, I'm trying to get back on track with cleaner eating so that I can feel better. I also had to go for a second glucose test to screen for gestational diabetes. My sugars were slightly elevated the first time so I went back for the fasting test that takes a few hours. Here's hoping it was just to do with what I ate the first time around.

Other than that, I've been feeling good. I really enjoy being pregnant (overall)! This pregnancy has been different though. It's been hard to tell if it's due to circumstances or third baby problems. For example, I have yet to experience stretch marks * knock knock * but this time around (prepare for potential TMI - I shrug it off ha) I have varicose veins..... annnnd higher up than my legs. Meh. It's from all the pressure and blood flow to baby. And apparently it's quite common, but new to me. I'm really hoping it goes away, in time, postpartum. I think this circulation issue is also bringing on crazy leg cramps in my sleep! Again, another thing that I didn't experience with the girls but is hitting me this time. Sleep is definitely getting more challenging these days, too, with the large belly. I'm prioritizing going to bed early. Plus it helps not having to wake for work, although I do still love my morning me time ;)

As for other things baby, we are struggling with boy names! We are not on the same page at all... or can't find one that sticks. There's still time, but that nesting feeling makes me want to decide right now. We're good for girls names and in general these seem way easier to pick. Names aside, I'm super excited about the anticipation of who this little babe is growing in my belly!

Hmmm in other news around here, (since the words are flowing as I type, despite this post turning in to a novel...) our big girl, Halle, has lost her first TWO teeth! We had a dentist appointment a few weeks ago and discovered she had four wiggly ones. Of course, that week, she lost her first bottom one. Then, not even a week later, the other one followed. It's kind of a bitter sweet parenting moment... She'll be five next month... Losing teeth seems like such a step from being a young child to a big kid... I really love seeing her personality grow though! And I'm so excited for her and Autumn to both be big sisters soon!

I suppose, a whole new chapter for them... for all of us, is about to unfold...

:)

...Keep checking back to read all about it!
XO

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Here’s The Thing About Being “Supermom”

1/25/2018

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"Supermom." A humbling compliment bestowed upon me for, but not limited to, the following reasons:

- I have two babies 17 months apart
- I am a part time "single parent" (because Matthew commutes for out of town work)
- I live on the opposite side of the country of my family
- I have two kids and two large dogs
- I have a home daycare
- I do so much fun stuff with the kids
- I'm as active as I am

The list goes on... And here's the first (of many) thing(s) you must know: this truly is a fantastic compliment. One that has both encouraged me and made me believe those words to be true time and time again.

After all, the more you hear things, or the more you tell yourself something, the more your brain becomes programed to believe it. It's a cool thing. The catch? It works for good and bad things.

And here's the second thing about being deemed "supermom": it's a loaded compliment.

Not always, sure. I like to think, your smiling face, says I see and appreciate you. Sometimes it really does. The compliment is often likewise.

But sometimes, your words say that's for you to be and not for me. Or that's for you because I feel this way about my role as a mom.

Enter the third thing you must know: I don't need you to tell me I'm supermom... because I already know I am.

Because... I know you are, too.

See, the funny thing about those comments coming from comparison and judgment is they don't feel quite as good. They make my gut's red flags wave because yes I know you "mean it" but... why?

Here's the why I want for all of us:

To be reflections of each other.

To say the honest thoughts we have because that's what we want reflected back to us.

You are supermom because I am, too.

I am supermom because you are, too.

Cause let me tell you something. Your child does not compare you to other moms. Your child thinks you are a superhero. Because you are! Sure you may have family to help sometimes. Sure you might not have pets to worry about. Sure you might not have your "plate as full" (BS) ...but I AM sure you have just as much that matters to you and just as much that makes you the absolute best mom you can be any given day. Because we are all doing our best, we are all our children know us to be and we are all supermoms!

Read it.
Say it.
Believe it.

Deep down I have felt this from day one. Motherhood came with a knowing and a confidence that I am the one and only mother to my kids. I know this feeling isn't the case for many moms and I always wonder why? It's because the unknown fills us with fear. (And judgement. And comparison. Like I talked about up there.) And I feel those things, too. I also know there will be other influences in my kids lives that can include 'motherly' roles. Yet, I still trust that I'm their supermom.

But here's the thing I really want you to know about being supermom: it doesn't always feel good.

See, the cold hard truth is, yes, I'm doing my best... but some days, my best is not MY best.

There's a whole lot of grace needed for the times I lose my cool. I yell. I worry. I guilt trip... the list goes on.

It's a skill I've become better at because I've let go of that self judgement (most of the time) and I trust my superpowers.

Yet, when you're a supermom like me you can feel lonely.

Isolation consumes you because yes, your partner is away; yes, you've got two dogs and two kids and one on the way; yes, you're stuck at home running your daycare; and yes, you're family are thousands of kilometres away.

And it can f*cking eat you up! You do not feel super. In fact, you kind of want someone to be your superhero. Like a villain has you trapped.

Then... you dig deep. Real deep, again and again... and you pray for grace. You look at those kids, who are the reason you feel so less than in the moment, and you remember they made you a mom.

They make you super.

You remember the love they see in you... even when you are weak. Even when your best is not your best.

Because they reflect the love you have for them, back to you.

*exhale*

This post has been my therapy. I'm typing it from a dark cloud of emotion that makes being supermom hard these days. Yet, I haven't lost hope. And I want you to know, you shouldn't either. Wherever your journey called life finds you, whether you are a mom or not, there is a reason you are super. And that's because you are you.

I want to post this because I want to pass on the message of being a reflection of one another. Of putting out what you wish to see in others.

So whatever it is you're needing right now, believe it to be right and true. Seek it in others and find it coming back to you.

Thank you for reading. Please share with anyone you think could use these words or tag a someone who needs to be reminded they're supermom :) XO

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Bump Update: Round 3 - Halfway!

1/16/2018

2 Comments

Some days (not the nauseous, exhausted ones) I still feel like pinching myself and thanking the stars I get to do this again. While both girls brought such joy and big changes to our lives, there’s something about this baby’s ‘change’ that seems extra special. Having had more years in between, I have both longed for another babe and, in contrast, been quite okay with where our little family was at. In fact, upon finding out I was pregnant this time, I was kind of over the idea of having more. Of course if you ask me any given day I would probably tell you I’d have “all the babies!” Yet that month, life was good. The age and stage the girls were at, my career, our family life, everything seemed as it should be... and I think that’s why this baby feels extra special. I true sign of change because we’re meant for a change, a different path, for more adventure! And so, I gladly accepted with peace and excitement, trusting that this baby is truly a gift.

I’m not sure the “surprise” was as peaceful for Matthew but exciting none the less.

It had crossed my mind I could be pregnant when my period was late in September. Yet, part of me was convinced there’s no way. There have been times where I took a pregnancy test (after the girls, not trying for a baby) erring on the side of caution and was secretly disappointed seeing negative. This time, I was more concerned if I’d get to drink wine on my upcoming sisters trip... I waited until I was at least a week late, the day before my trip arrived and I couldn’t put taking a test off any longer. Matthew knew nothing, as I didn’t want to even plant a seed of worry in his head until the stick had been peed on!

So I woke up super early the day of my trip to pack and take the test. I took 2. One +/- and one digital. The + was dark and the screen read ‘Pregnant 3+ weeks.’ There was no denying it and there was only a few hours until my departure. Matthew had already seen part of his gift when he got home from work that week. We had cleaned and organized the garage and hung some beer posters and Habs jerseys. He loved it! That morning I set up the rest of his gift in the garage for a surprise. I got him a new Canadiens jersey for his upcoming trip, set up a beer can “cake” and put out his cards. One card read Happy Birthday Daddy... and under the card I hid the pregnancy test.

We only had about 15 minutes before it was time to head to the airport. After bringing out my suitcase, Matthew opened his gifts. He loved it, again! And then, shaking with adrenaline and uncertainty (by the way, this has happened every time I have had to tell him about all three of our surprise pregnancies) I asked him to read the card. He picked it up, saw the test, and a happy shock came over his face exclaiming “no way?!”

Yes way! The inside read “... of 3!”

Reality check followed when I reminded him it was time to go to the airport and he couldn’t crack that beer cake. He’d have 5 whole days alone with the girls to let it all sink in.

“Never a dull moment around here!” was his response and boy is it true.

I felt relieved and happy and all kinds of intense emotions! We spent the half hour drive to the airport discussing all things baby #3 and how life would change.

I felt great about it all.

I had let my sister know that morning, before Matthew even, because we had been texting about the trip. Over the next week we told close family and friends.

My trip was fantastic and I returned on a high from all the positivity in my life.

Then, the hardest first trimester I’ve had yet followed. Honestly it seems too far gone (and unenjoyable) to relive in great detail. You’ll get the picture by me saying I was extremely exhausted, so nauseous, with completely changed taste buds, moody and overall not feeling at all like myself. I went from a very high of health and happiness to an extreme low. Much more intense than my other pregnancies. It’s hard to say if it was being under different circumstances this time around or simply just different?

Either way, I was beyond grateful when I finally started feeling better around the start of December. The nausea faded, I gained some energy and was even able to workout again. This had been a huge challenge to me. I had gone from a consistent routine of making fitness and self care a priority to doing zero for 2 months. I realized how much mental and emotional strength physical exercise gives me and I missed it during that time off. I made sleep a priority though. Well, more like a non negotiable because I would literally crash as soon as possible each night... evening ;P

Anywho, it feels much better to be back on track and feel more like me most days. Although, I’ll tell ya, some days those hormones can really throw you for a loop! It’s like my brain acknowledges these emotions are not like me or what I want and I just can’t help feeling them...

Through it all I’ve been giving myself grace and always coming back to gratitude. Thanking God for this blessing and trusting that pregnancy is simply a season.

At the start of January we had my “halfway” detailed ultrasound. I actually skipped first trimester ultrasounds because I’ve never had one in the past. I have a fairly regular cycle, that I track, so we used that to determine a due date. However, I’m kind of wishing we had opted for the early screening just to be sure. At this point, dating is not as accurate, and it appears we are either growing a giant baby or I’m around 2 weeks ahead of my date. That puts me over the halfway hump somewhere around 22-23 weeks as I’m writing this. That means baby is likely due mid May. I have an appointment at the maternity clinic at the end of the month and we will probably confirm if my due date will change. I’m totally okay with less of a countdown ;)

I’ve had it in my head baby will be born slightly earlier anyway since both the girls were. Plus I felt movement early on and was convinced the baby was bigger than he/she should be.

Which brings me to other exciting news! We opted not to find out the sex during this screening and are keeping gender a surprise this time! I’m so happy to have convinced Matthew this go around ;) We found out for both girls and looking back it was great to know. Not knowing this time adds to this baby being special! It seems like there’s so much riding on this - it’s either another girl or third time’s the charm and it’s a boy! I think a surprise will make delivery beyond amazing. *sigh*

~ ~ ~

I’m going to leave this post on that note and hope to post more fun bump check ins and photos in weeks to come! Thanks as always for reading and following along the adventures of our growing family. It’s crazy to think sharing my pregnancy with Halle 5 years ago is how blogging got started for me :)

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Life Lately: A New Chapter

Here’s The Thing About Being “Supermom”

Bump Update: Round 3 - Halfway!

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