"Supermom." A humbling compliment bestowed upon me for, but not limited to, the following reasons:
- I have two babies 17 months apart
- I am a part time "single parent" (because Matthew commutes for out of town work)
- I live on the opposite side of the country of my family
- I have two kids and two large dogs
- I have a home daycare
- I do so much fun stuff with the kids
- I'm as active as I am
The list goes on... And here's the first (of many) thing(s) you must know: this truly is a fantastic compliment. One that has both encouraged me and made me believe those words to be true time and time again.
After all, the more you hear things, or the more you tell yourself something, the more your brain becomes programed to believe it. It's a cool thing. The catch? It works for good and bad things.
And here's the second thing about being deemed "supermom": it's a loaded compliment.
Not always, sure. I like to think, your smiling face, says I see and appreciate you. Sometimes it really does. The compliment is often likewise.
But sometimes, your words say that's for you to be and not for me. Or that's for you because I feel this way about my role as a mom.
Enter the third thing you must know: I don't need you to tell me I'm supermom... because I already know I am.
Because... I know you are, too.
See, the funny thing about those comments coming from comparison and judgment is they don't feel quite as good. They make my gut's red flags wave because yes I know you "mean it" but... why?
Here's the why I want for all of us:
To be reflections of each other.
To say the honest thoughts we have because that's what we want reflected back to us.
You are supermom because I am, too.
I am supermom because you are, too.
Cause let me tell you something. Your child does not compare you to other moms. Your child thinks you are a superhero. Because you are! Sure you may have family to help sometimes. Sure you might not have pets to worry about. Sure you might not have your "plate as full" (BS) ...but I AM sure you have just as much that matters to you and just as much that makes you the absolute best mom you can be any given day. Because we are all doing our best, we are all our children know us to be and we are all supermoms!
Deep down I have felt this from day one. Motherhood came with a knowing and a confidence that I am the one and only mother to my kids. I know this feeling isn't the case for many moms and I always wonder why? It's because the unknown fills us with fear. (And judgement. And comparison. Like I talked about up there.) And I feel those things, too. I also know there will be other influences in my kids lives that can include 'motherly' roles. Yet, I still trust that I'm their supermom.
But here's the thing I really want you to know about being supermom: it doesn't always feel good.
See, the cold hard truth is, yes, I'm doing my best... but some days, my best is not MY best.
There's a whole lot of grace needed for the times I lose my cool. I yell. I worry. I guilt trip... the list goes on.
It's a skill I've become better at because I've let go of that self judgement (most of the time) and I trust my superpowers.
Yet, when you're a supermom like me you can feel lonely.
Isolation consumes you because yes, your partner is away; yes, you've got two dogs and two kids and one on the way; yes, you're stuck at home running your daycare; and yes, you're family are thousands of kilometres away.
And it can f*cking eat you up! You do not feel super. In fact, you kind of want someone to be your superhero. Like a villain has you trapped.
Then... you dig deep. Real deep, again and again... and you pray for grace. You look at those kids, who are the reason you feel so less than in the moment, and you remember they made you a mom.
They make you super.
You remember the love they see in you... even when you are weak. Even when your best is not your best.
Because they reflect the love you have for them, back to you.
This post has been my therapy. I'm typing it from a dark cloud of emotion that makes being supermom hard these days. Yet, I haven't lost hope. And I want you to know, you shouldn't either. Wherever your journey called life finds you, whether you are a mom or not, there is a reason you are super. And that's because you are you.
I want to post this because I want to pass on the message of being a reflection of one another. Of putting out what you wish to see in others.
So whatever it is you're needing right now, believe it to be right and true. Seek it in others and find it coming back to you.
Thank you for reading. Please share with anyone you think could use these words or tag a someone who needs to be reminded they're supermom :) XO