Read on for some not-so-glamorous happenings as of late >>>
First, the "small stuff." Things that seem frustrating at the time but ultimately you choose not to sweat it.
It's hard to believe I forgot to mention diaper changes in my 14 things about Halle at 14 months post. Oh what a challenge they have become! A good majority of the time, over the past few weeks, have involved crying, screaming, rolling over, sitting up, full-on-wrestling-matches (!!!) just to get a diaper on! It's exhausting at times. And you can only explain so much to a one year old how much quicker it could be if they just relaxed for a minute. Instead you chase them around, or pin them down, or create new diapering techniques, or end up with the wonkiest wedgies, or pee goes on the floor... This gets especially difficult after bath time when it's not just the diaper, but the jammies, too! In the end, all you can do is take a deep breath, laugh about it, and remember it's that much closer to bed time ;)
Aw, Summer. So nice you have arrived... Unless you are a Siberian Husky owner. Which means duh, duh, DUH: shedding! Not the normal dog hair, people. The "blow coat" time of year. The time of year where you can brush your dog from dawn til dusk and it won't matter. The time of year when tumble weeds of fur and cotton ball tufts litter every inch of your floor. It seems never ending. And calls for vacuuming every day. But, we deal, we love our dog and we love us some summa summa time :)
Serious question: Do non-stick pan's non-stickyness wear out? Not so serious problem: because I haven't been able to cook/flip a damn egg for weeks. Good thing I prefer scrambled. (It still sticks.)
My skin totally sucks this pregnancy. I have been lucky enough to go through most of my adolescent and young adult life with clear skin. Of course, I'd get the odd pimple here and there but never constant breakouts. My pregnancy with Halle didn't seem to phase this and may have even improved my skin. Then came post-partum and I was getting more pimples and more often. I was convinced it was the most I had ever had at once... Well, now it's worse. I can only hope that it's the changing hormones and that things will clear up over time. Ultimately, I just have to accept it and realize it's not worth the worry.
And now, for the 'big deal' real life moment...
For the most part, my role as a mother has come comfortably and natural to me. There have been those rare days where I feel lost, unsure and hopeless, sure, but I am blessed with a happy, "easy" baby and a calm mindset where I honestly think (most of the time) like "I got this."
But last week I had my worst moment as a mommy.
You'd think it's something I wouldn't want to tell people about.
It made me feel guilty, shameful, embarrassed...
But it helped me to reflect and to learn, and that is just what you have to do with mistakes.
So, maybe telling you about it will help you get over a 'mistake'. Maybe you can relate to mine. Or maybe you will recognize the importance of being real and vulnerable with your life.
We were downstairs and I was getting Halle's bottle ready for bedtime when she started climbing up the stairs. It was still a bit early, so I followed close behind her, up the stairs and in to her room. She sat down by her book shelf and began her usual habit of pulling all the books off the shelf. It usually kept her occupied for a bit so I sat down in her rocking chair. I was tired.
Most of the time I keep my cell phone away or out of use during my awake time with Halle, unless we're on FaceTime or to send a quick text. Since it was almost bedtime, and I had a minute to sit down, I justified taking my phone out for a quick look. I was still watching Halle and saw her leave the books and walk out the door.
She usually heads to the bonus (family/living) room to the left of her room. I didn't spring up right away like usual because we had finally gotten a retractable gate for the top of these stairs since we decided against installing the original swinging gates we had bought.
And as quick as that I heard a boom boom boom.
I had forgot to put the gate up.
I flew out of the chair.
Terrified to see Halle sprawled, face down halfway down on the landing of the stairs.
My heart sank as I rushed to pick her up.
Tears were streaming down Halle's face as she cried more out of fright then anything. I just sat there holding her on the stairs trying to calm her but inside freaking out at myself in disbelief I let this happen. Then I noticed her mouth filling with bloody saliva, so I rushed to get a face cloth to clean and comfort her.
It didn't bleed long. As she clamed I was able to take off her pyjamas to check her body for bumps and bruises.
Luckily a slight fat lip and a badly bruised cheek was her only mark. By some miracle she didn't crash her head in to the wall as the stairs turned. And being a baby, unaware of the hazard of falling down stairs, she fell without trying to catch herself and slid most of the way.
It was really just a big fright... for the both of us.
Halle went back to walking and moving about normally soon after. That made things more comforting.
We kept her up a little longer, worried about head injury, but she had already been tired and ready for bed. I checked on her before going to bed myself and all seemed okay and normal.
I was still paranoid with worry. I had a knot in my stomach. But most of all I felt so guilty about choosing to look at my phone instead of100% watching her.
I could elaborate on this, but I don't want to.
I already knew it was best to keep away. But I made a bad choice and some lessons have to be learned the hard way. And I am so grateful the hard way was only a fright and a bruise rather than a trip to the ER.
Lesson learned about the gate, too.
I thought we would only climb up the stairs and go back down again to finish getting ready for bed, so I chose not to put the gate up.
Now, I always put the gate up.
Safety measures should not be taken for granted.
So there you have it, my worst moment in motherhood so far. I'm sure there are worse to come. Some unavoidable. But if it's something I can choose to prevent, then I hope to not make a silly mistake again.